Let start from the beginning. 4th August 2000. Provincial Hospital in Rzeszów. 11:40 pm. The little girl named Gabby is coming. 2 years later she burn her hand, fell out of the cardle and extracted hrt teeth. I wasn't really lucky child...
At age 6 I went to primary school... It was horrible. I met people, with who I had to spend 10 years. They pacified me all primary and junior high school. But let's say more.
19 th December 2011. It was evening. I was looking for something good on Youtube. Then in recommended I saw "Dispute". I was only 11 when I loved you first time. I still remember this ripped jeans, fringes... good times...
2 years later, when I was in 1st class of junior high school my parents started to argue really hard. They was screaming all the nights. And I was curled up in my bed and crying. And next day I had to go to school where people was laughing on me because I was fat. A not long time later I started to self-harm... I'm not proud of it, really. I was sitting in the corner of my room and hold this blade. In 2nd class I had my first suicide attempt. I was in school toilet after lessons. I closed the door and took a blade. I cut my veins and a neck... To be honest... if one of the teacher wouldn't come there, I would be dead now. But they saved me... when I woke up in hospital next day, I was cursing on myself that I can't even commit suicide. And then it started. On my every step they was laughing on me... and it affected on my second suicide attempt... I was at home. Parents were in work. Perfect. I took some alcohol - it was always at home. And some medicine of course. I though it was not enough.. I wanted to hang up too. It was in 2014... in May.
And... there our true story starts. I wanted to listen something before it. You know what was first on my playlist? "Weigh You Down". I turned it on. You know what changed my decision? This:
Well I'm not gonna save you
I'm not gonna fear
I'm not gonna let you drag me down this time
Maybe this is mistake with the lexis, but it doesn't metter. I though about a hour... And i put down the alcohol, medicine and the cord. Then I took a deep breath and printed your photo. I decided to FIGHT. Year later, 20th June 2015 I promised myself that I won't cut myself again and I won't suffer for others. Since this time, I haven't touched the blade. My skin is clear... even the scars disappeared...
Next memory... 16th July 2015. First fanart I have ever done. I don't think it's perfect, but I tried...
You know what keeped me fighting? That you always appreciated me. Even if my draws was - be honest - ugly. You always wrote even "I like". That was awesome. I never though that my idols will know that I exist, but dreams are coming true...
But... December 2015. Hospital. Doctor says that I have "bulimia" but they still don't know what exacly it was. It destroyed me. I could give here my photo with any make up then. But I really looked like death. Some times, when I'm snapping you see my face. Now wonder my face with dark circles under eyes, destroyed, faded hair, bloodshot lips, grey eyes without any happiness. One time they said that it could be no "bulimia", just cancer. Sounds like from horror movie, but that's true. It was horrible time of unceasing fight... To get out of hospital, to be able to go to school, smile, stand up. 7 months of drips, tears, sickness, hearing that it can turn into disease, because of what I won't be able to get out of bed, more tears... to recover in June and hear what? That I won't go to Sweden because dad's have moods. It was like 100 sharp knifes sticked to my heart. My dreams ruined. And I was ruined. And this "bulimia" was back. But now I'm stronger than before. I clench my fists and I believe, that on 4th August 2018 I will have a chance to come to you and even hug you for this 5 seconds and go back. You know what I understood for these 5 years? That I don't need your autographs or photos with you. I need only few seconds in your arms and it's enough for me. I hope that someday I will make this dream come true.
That's all my story...
That's all my story...
Today is my 5 years with you.
60 months
1826 days
43 829 hours
2 629 743 minutes
157 784 630 seconds
And I need to say one thing. You mean everything to me. You are all my world... You are my everything. I'm writing this and melting in my tears. I wanted you to know my history, and needed to show you how much you did. Don't stop it, because you can save somebody's life. I'm so thankful to have you. I would do everything for you. You deserve the best. Doesn't metter how hard life is, remember that you are loved and appreciated. And I see when you are sad... I really see in your eyes.
If you live to be 100... I hope I live to be 100 minus one day, so I never have to live without you
-Winnie The Pooh
-Winnie The Pooh
I love you really hard and I will never leave you
Gabby ❤
PS, if you feel you need to tell me something, feel free to write me on snapchat, Niklas and Charlie got this. Snapchat or twitter...
PS, if you feel you need to tell me something, feel free to write me on snapchat, Niklas and Charlie got this. Snapchat or twitter...
